


The Stranger in Her Son

by AugustStories



Series: Fatherless Children [1]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Arthur Dayne Lives, Brothers, Child Abandonment, Choices, Elia Martell Lives, Families of Choice, Jon grows up in Dorne, Lyanna Stark Lives, POV Lyanna Stark, Queen Lyanna Stark, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:00:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24403222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AugustStories/pseuds/AugustStories
Summary: Lyanna lives and faces a life determined by duty and rules, one of which is to not be allowed to raise her first child herself.Many years later she gets to visit him for the very first time but she doesn't get what she wishes for.
Relationships: Arthur Dayne & Jon Snow, Arthur Dayne & Lyanna Stark, Elia Martell/Oswell Whent, Elia Martell/Rhaegar Targaryen, Jon Snow & Aegon VI Targaryen, Jon Snow & Rhaenys Targaryen (Daughter of Elia), Lyanna Stark/Rhaegar Targaryen, Robert Baratheon/Lyanna Stark
Series: Fatherless Children [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1821748
Comments: 20
Kudos: 175





	The Stranger in Her Son

**Author's Note:**

> Don't even know where the idea to this came from, just struck the mood.

For months she had looked forward to it.

For months after the permission had been granted by not only Robert but the Prince of Dorne as well, after years of begging and pleading and advocating on her part. So long she had fought for it and now she had finally been granted the chance, months she had been looking forward to it and then it had taken weeks to travel to Dorne.

By ship because Robert had deemed a voyage by land too dangerous.

So often she had imagined how it would happen, this moment where she would meet her firstborn.

Where she would see him again for the first time since he had been a mere few days old.

Fourteen years. Fourteen long long years.

Three more children she had born since, and as all three of them grew and prospered she always wondered how he was doing, her first boy.

She had written letters, many in the beginning, fewer in the years that followed when nothing but the usual obligatory letter from Prince Doran arrived where Robert was told how the Targaryen children were faring.

Jon, her beautiful boy, was only ever a part of a report there, it wasn't words a mother wanted to hear.

Fourteen long years and now she stood in front of him... and found a stranger.

A stranger who looked unsure as he approached her with hesitant steps, throwing helpless looks over to the youth who was hovering in the background in a kind of protective observation. Pale fingers resting over a dagger sheathed at his hip as if he was expecting to have to defend his brother from the guards stationed at her back. And as she briefly met those achingly familiar purple eyes, Lyanna knew it was exactly what the older youth was calculating for.

"Your Grace," the stranger wearing her eyes quietly directed at her when he stopped, bowing deep and she was too shocked to do anything, to say anything. He was so tall, and so handsome, he looked... "Prince Oberyn has told me Her Grace wanted to meet me. It is an honor but I do not understand." Another quick look thrown over his shoulder, both boys were dressed loosely, someone must have brought them back to the gardens from a ride or a trip to the beach.

Lyanna blinked and still found no words, the boy in front of her who was supposed to be her son threw another look over his shoulder to the boy who was only a year his elder when her silence laste too long. Aegon Targaryen, who looked so much like his father had, was watching them both with attentive eyes, ready to jump in to his half-brother's protection at any time. And when Lyanna glanced up even further, she could spot Rhaenys watching them all from the second story open walkway, she was Princess Elia's very mirror image, even wore her hair like her mother did now.

"Do you know who I am?" She asked Jon and for her that would always remain his name, regardless of what Arthur had chosen later, regardless of what his siblings and the people in his life now called him. For her, he would forever be Jon. Jon furrowed his eyebrows, the confusion was so evident on his very face, there was no recognition to spot in his eyes at all. Why couldn't a son recognize his own mother?

"The Queen Consort to King Robert." Jon answered dutifully and she couldn't even tell if there was hostility in his voice when he spoke Robert's name. Her surprise over his strange behavior was too overwhelming. "Your Grace, I do not understand why _You_ would want to speak to a Dornish bastard." It sent a shard of glass to her heart, to hear him call himself a bastard, to hear him call himself Dornish.

He had been born in Dorne.

He had grown up in Dorne.

Never known anywhere else.

But he was not Dornish.

"Because you're my son and I am a mother who wants to meet her firstborn."

And Jon looked at her, saw a stranger and shook his head, already taking a step back. Behind him Aegon tensed, and above them Rhaenys frowned.

"You must be mistaken, Your Grace. My mother is gone, she died a long time ago."

\--

"What did you expect?"

And it hurt to hear those words from a man who had once started to become her friend before her wrong choices had once more caught up with her.

"It's been fourteen years, Lyanna," Arthur pointed out a little gruffly while he served them some lemon tea in the sitting room of the quarters he shared with her son, this boy who didn't know her. It had been him who had raised her boy, who had dried tears, who had chased away monsters in the night, who had encouraged and supported him. Him who had taught her son to be strong and kind. "No visits, no letters, how was the boy to know that his mother still cared?"

Arthur's words were as much explanation as they were accusation.

"I wrote letters! Dozens of them!"

In his presence it was too easy to feel like a little stupid girl again who had known nothing and still found herself too smart. But she wasn't a Warden's runaway daughter anymore, she was a woman grown, a mother, a Queen. And he hadn't been a deathly Kingsguard and loyal friend in a long time either. Arthur had gray in his hair now, laugh lines around his eyes and mouth.

In some grand twist, she had run away to gain her freedom but he had gotten it, the one who had only wanted to serve and do his duty.

"Well, none ever arrived here, maybe there is something you should talk about with the Red Keep's Maester," Arthur sharpened his tone and Lyanna twitched away from his eyes that had always been able to see too much. Robert had bought his peace with Dorne by now, but Lyanna wasn't so stupid as to believe that there wasn't a good amount of people within Dorne and probably even within the other kingdoms who saw Rhaegar's son as the one belonging on the throne and not Robert. And Arthur had never made a secret out of his heart's desires. He just didn't act on it, saw it as Aegon's choice. "That the letters didn't arrive, it's certainly not an issue grounded in Dorne's fault."

So many years after the Rebellion had ended with Robert's purge of King's Landing and the temporary imprisonment of Princess Elia and her children. Dorne still hated him, and Robert would never trust them. The Loyalists would forever be the demons of his rule, and probably those of her son's rule as well still. They would never forgive the needless murder of Queen Rhaella, Prince Viserys and the unborn Prince or Princess.

"And I couldn't visit, I have wanted for so many years!" Lyanna argued as well because how many times had she asked for it, how many times had she begged for it. Two sons she had born Robert, two healthy strong sons, and one beautiful daughter. She had ensured that the succession was secured and still he hadn't allowed her to travel without him, especially not to Dorne, his advisors deeming it too dangerous.

"Once again," Arthur lectured her, and it _was_ a lecture, "something you need to address in your home because I know for certain that Doran had granted permission a long time ago." Arthur emptied his cup, he didn't touch upon alcohol anymore, neither wine nor ale. Lyanna didn't know for sure why, but she could guess upon it. "Jay grew up without you, Lyanna, he grew up surrounded by people who love him, with siblings who are wildly protective over him." Lyanna had seen that already, her son went nowhere alone, it was Rhaenys tugged into his elbow, laughing over what he was whispering to her. It was the blond one of Prince Oberyn's bastards equally tugged into his elbow, smiling brightly at him. Most of the time though it was Aegon. Aegon with an arm around her boy's shoulders. Aegon laughing loudly while her boy rolled his eyes. Aegon sending her dark looks when he spotted her watching them. "He has a family here, Lyanna, when no one wanted him anywhere else."

Aegon calling him 'little brother' when he wanted to taunt her boy during training.

Like Steffon did it with Rickard at home.

Like no one would ever do it with Steffon.

"Why does he think his mother is dead? Why did you tell him..."

"I told him nothing of the sorts." Arthur made clear and looked insulted that she would even think it of him, Lyanna sighed. "Neither did anyone else, especially not Elia, so stiffle that anger before it rises." Lyanna shook her head in a sign that she would have never accused Princess Elia of such, the woman avoided her, hadn't let herself be seen by her since Lyanna had arrived at the Water Gardens. "What Jay chooses to think for himself to bring answers to difficult topics is his own doing. I only ever answered his questions truthfully. He is _happy_ , Lyanna. Aegon and him have been thick as thieves since before they could both walk."

Lyanna had no doubt about that, she could see the same with Steffon and Rickard, and her boys had a bigger gap between them than Aegon and Jon.

"What... what does he want to do when he grows up?" She was hesitant to ask because until Aegon came off age and swore off any desires for thrones, crowns and rebuilding dynasties, Aegon was a threat to her sons' future. And she couldn't imagine seeing one son pinned against the other, to see brothers fighting against each other, even if they had never known each other. Or even of each other in Steffon's and Rickard's case. One day soon, when Cassana was old enough to understand, Lyanna would have to face telling her younger children about the boy she had needed to leave behind in an old life.

"See the world." Arthur was quick to take all worries away though, he was smiling, soft and proud and of course he was. He was the father that Rhaegar should have been for Jon. "Aegon and him have plans to travel to Essos, they wanna see the lands and the great cities. Their blood calls for them to see the roots of their line."

Aegon and him.

Aegon and him.

Not once since arriving had anyone managed to speak to her about her son without at least saying it once.

Aegon and him.

Rhaenys and the boys.

Our little dragons.

Was her son no person on his own?

"Jon's blood also rests in the North," she pointed out rather helplessly, tried to desperately cling to finding something inside this stranger with her eyes that was her, that was Stark. Something not Targaryen by blood. Something not Dayne by nurture. Something not Dornish by nurture. She wanted something Stark in him, something Northern.

"A place he wouldn't be welcome in." Arthur effortlessly gave her the answer she hadn't wanted to hear, the North knew only three children of Lyanna Stark. They saw two Princes and one beautiful Princess. Led by her own brother, the North would never see Jon as more than just Rhaegar's bastard. He would never be a child of the North, a child of ice and cold, for everyone but her this boy was Jaehaerys Sand. "Lyanna, do you want a piece of advice?"

"Sure."

"Go home." Arthur made it short and it hurt to hear from one of only two people left who had seemingly ever known her true self and still lived. Benjen she had lost to guilt and the Wall, no contact anymore at all. And Arthur would never truly become her friend anymore in this life either. "Go home and care for the children you have there. Love them, cherish them, see them grow and learn. Jon is almost a man grown, he did all of that without you in his life, he wouldn't know how to add you in now."

"I can't just abandon him."

"You already did," a voice said to her horror and Lyanna spun around, staring into her son's grey eyes that were so cold. Jon was standing in the doorway, dressed in dark red and black clothes. "Fourteen years ago, you abandoned me when you set me into Arthur's arms and rode away to start a life without me. I cannot tell you to leave, I don't have that authority but I can tell you to please not approach me anymore as long as you remain in Dorne. And I would ask you to refrain from approaching my siblings as well. Father, you wanted me to tell you when the ships have been sighted."

"Leave without me for now." Arthur told Jon and his eyes were filled with something Lyanna couldn't truly understand, it was no warning to behave. "I will follow in a bit."

"He'll wonder where you are." Jon immediately held against it and she wasn't even there for him, there were no looks sent her way, not even uneasy glances. He paid even less attention to the white cloaked knights standing in the corridor, even though Arthur did now where the door was open.

Lyanna didn't kid himself, the one small condition posed in the letter predecessing her departure from King's Landing had been added upon Arthur's wish, and no doubt by Ser Oswell and Princess Elia as well.

'No Kingsguard of old are to accompany Her Grace to Dorne.'

"He'll see the royal ships in the harbor and he'll understand. Go now."

And Jon left without acknowledging her presense beyond a bow as a goodbye.

\--

When Lyanna arrived in the harbor behind Arthur, surrounded by her guards, she stuttered in her steps when she saw the ship with the shimmering white sails, the biggest of which carried a golden three-headed dragon with a tail of flames.

"That is not a sigil I recollect," she turned an unspoken question to the two white cloaks and the three Baratheon household guards. She had stopped while Arthur had went on, hurrying down the stairs down to the pier now. It was Ser Adrian of the Kingsguard who answered her, a Celtigar by birth and a Velaryon cousin, he had Valyria in his blood as well. An addition to the Kingsguard to silence the Crownlanders.

"It is the sigil of a branch of House Rogare of Lys, Your Grace. Formed when Lord Maegor Targaryen married the Magister's daughter and took her name for himself."

Brightflame's son.

The one the Great Council abandoned to an uncertain future.

Didn't that bring up painful emotions.

The man was currently hugging her son and Aegon with a rumbling laugh that reached even her so high up, both boys were grinning brightly, looking so much younger suddenly. Right next to them, Rhaenys was embracing a tall young man her age who was laughing over something Prince Oberyn mentioned to him. Princess Arianne and Prince Trystane were talking to a woman in a pale blue dress.

"I do not think he would wish to see You, Your Grace." A voice suddenly spoke up and Lyanna flinched, not having heard anyone approach. She turned to look at Lord Gargalen, this battle-hardened man who was the father of the Princes of Dorne and Princess Elia. He terrified her not just a little, even though she had seen how this hard-edged man softened in the presence of his grandchildren, to which he counted her Jon as well. "And after talking to Jay, I do have to insist even more that You return to Sunspear for the remaining duration of Your visit. Your presence has caused too much upheaval in the Water Gardens."

Which was of course exactly the moment that Ser Oswell and Prince Oberyn walked down a side path and then past them to reach the harbor as well. Prince Oberyn ignored her, Ser Oswell didn't forbid himself the dark look.

"Lord Gargalen..."

"If Jay changes his mind over wanting to see You, I will sent for You." Lord Gargalen made it obvious where his dedication laid and some hidden part in her appreciated it for sure. He put her son's happiness above appeasing the crown. But Lyanna wanted to know her son and it clouded her judgement too much to just accept it.

"I only wanted to meet my child."

"Isn't it funny how sometimes we cannot get what we want?" Lord Gargalen wanted to know in a sarcastic attack and then set his walking cane onto the top step of the long staircase. "Now, excuse me, I have to greet my guests."

\--

"The future can still change something."

Those words spoken by a soft voice stopped Lyanna in her steps the next morning as she made to depart the Water Gardens by horse to travel back to Sunspear. Her heart heavy, her mind tired from getting no sleep. Handing the reins back to Ser Adrian, she turned around slowly in her simple cut riding dress, she looked like no Queen at the moment but she was tired and couldn't have cared less about it.

And faced with the woman walking down the stairs into the courtyard, Lyanna would have always looked like a kitchen maid in drapes anyway, even in her best dresses.

Princess Elia was a completely different woman now compared to the frail looking Crown Princess Lyanna had seen in Harrenhall. Sun kissed, hair full and maybe touched upon by gray but it fit her so well, she carried it all with grace and pride. Her orange dress was simple but it still looked fit for a Queen, her smile was kind but also guarded.

And up at the top of the stairs, Ser Oswell was standing like a sentinel, ready to interfere at any moment.

"Boys are boys," Princess Elia continued when she could be sure to have Lyanna's full attention, "and I fear Aegon and Jay have both inherited their father's stubborness. Once set upon a path, it is difficult to set their feet astray. They are both very focused and driven, loyal to each other. It's been like that since the very first time I took Jay from Arthur's arms and set him into Aegon's crib. One day maybe, Jay will change his mind and he might want to meet you again."

"I came here believing that I could connect with him, that there might be something in him that was all me, all Stark," Lyanna confessed and she didn't feel weak doing so. Once upon a time she had wronged Princess Elia in becoming the other woman and there was no apology in the world who could ever make it good but she could be honest now. Princess Elia deserved that much.

Both of them were married to different men now.

Their roles in it had changed thouch.

Lyanna was married out of duty. Princess Elia out of love.

But they both loved their children above everything.

"Sometimes I wish I would find something in Aegon as well that was me, was Martell or Gargalen," Princess Elia told her with a smile that was genuine now. "But like Jay, he is his father's son as much as he is his own man. Jay will be fine, Lyanna, he is happy, he has his family around him and he has a good future ahead of himself. And I promise you that if something were to ever happen or if the boy changes his mind, I will personally write to you."

She never would write.

Because she had no reason to.

\--

Not long after her return to King's Landing, Aegon came off age and officially declared in his own words and writing that he had no desire for the crown of his ancestors. And just like that the Targaryen rule over Westeros had come to a complete end with Rhaegar's only accepted heir renouncing his rights to usurp a crown, it also marked the last letter that the crown would demand from Dorne to be updated about the Targaryen children.

Which included Jon.

A good fortnight later, Arthur wrote her that Aegon and Jon had left for Essos and that he wasn't expecting them back in Westeros for some time, that he himself was leaving for Lys for the forseeable future as well.

And no matter what she might have once imagined, Lyanna knew then that Jon had never been her son after all. He had been Rhaenys' and Aegon's little brother, he had been Arthur's boy, he had been Lord Gargalen's grandson, he had even been Princess Elia's third little treasure.

He had been all Rhaegar's but would have never been allowed to be hers.

Rhaegar's death had nothing to matter in it.

The fact that Rhaegar had never even been able to meet Jon, to know of his existence, had nothing to mean in it.

Jon was Rhaegar's son.

Together with Rhaenys and Aegon, he would let his father's legacy live on in himself.

Lyanna would forever have nothing of him.

And she would be nothing for him.

A woman who bore four children.

A mother of only three.

\--

She didn't see Jon again in her life.

As she grew older, watched Robert grow older, watched her children grow and marry and get children of their own, she wondered often about Jon's fate.

She didn't have friends left in Dorne, no one would receive a letter and answer her kindly anymore. Arthur hadn't returned from Lys, had written her only one letter after his departure, stating that he was not returning to Westeros because he had found love and a purpose in far away Lys. Princess Elia and Ser Oswell had followed Rhaenys to Tyrosh where this beautiful young woman that Lyanna had seen so long ago had married a fine nobleman.

If Jon and Aegon had returned from their travels to live in Dorne or if they had decided to settle somewhere in foreign Essos, Lyanna did not know.

Sometimes she imagined them still travelling, no roots, no responsibilities, just discovering the world they had been born into.

Rhaegar would have liked that.

Sometimes she shuddered and imagined that these young men could have joined a sellsword company, fought valiantly like their father had and fallen in battle, like their father had.

Robert would have liked that.

Even on his deathbed he had still harbored a blazing distaste for any and all dragons.

Most of the time though, Lyanna imagined Jon with a family, a wife at his side, children to call his own, to see grow and be proud of. She wished him to have the family that she could have never given him under any circumstances.

She imagined him happy, this stranger in her son.


End file.
